The Dead Fish.htm
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by grumpybuffalo
A CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE STORY Page 0 You are a small fish. You have a great life - you have friends, and stuff, and it's cool. EXCEPT, you have one problem - you're dead. Life's hard when you're dead. You can't do much of anything. Even if you have lots of fun games to play, you can't even play them, cuz you're dead! Do you want to live your whole life being dead, or are you about to embark on an adventure to try to find life? TO STAY DEAD, click here. TO EMBARK, click here. Page 1 YOU CHOSE TO STAY DEAD. Well, it looks like you're in for a long, boring, life. You'll be dead the whole time. Can't even play games. Sad. Oh well. Goodbye. You lose. Page 2 YOU CHOSE TO EMBARK. Alright! Well, you don't really have any ideas about how to become alive. You figure you're gonna have to leave your little village though. You could go north, to the Vultures of Ice. You could go east, to the Boiling Rocks. You could go south, to the Invisible Ocean. Or you could go west, to the Land of Sideways. TO GO NORTH, click here. TO GO EAST, click here. TO GO SOUTH, click here. TO GO WEST, click here. Page 3 YOU CHOSE TO GO NORTH, to the Vultures of Ice. Your journey has begun. You are swimming north. You do not know the path, nor do you know where to look for help. All you know is that there are rumored to be vultures, made completely of ice, that live far to the north. They are said to have magical powers, and you hope to ask them for help. You swim through the ocean, passing by fish of all kinds. As you swim, a strange hissing voice calls out your name. You stop, dead, in your tracks. You turn around to see a huge moray eel. "I know what you want, and I can help you. Come closer!," the eel says. Its very voice makes your bones rattle. One of them snaps in half. "Uhh..." you start to say. "If you accept my help, your way will be easy. If you reject my advice, I will probably eat you." The eel looks awfully frightening. Will you come closer to the eel, and listen to what it has to say, or swim away as fast as you can? TO LISTEN, click here. TO SWIM AWAY, click here. Page 4 YOU CHOSE TO LISTEN. You swim a little closer to the eel. "Okay, what've you got to say?" you ask nervously. "Closer. Clooooser!" the eel says, licking its chops. You swim just a little closer. "Just a little closer! I can't quite eat you from there!" "What!?" "I said I can't quite talk to you from there!" Now you're really getting nervous. You're pretty sure that eel is just going to eat you. You hesitate. TO CONTINUE TOWARDS THE EEL, click here. TO BACK OUT, click here. Page 5 YOU CHOSE TO CONTINUE TOWARDS THE EEL. You swim even closer. The eel snaps you up into his jaws and eats you, cackling all the way. Dummy. YOU LOSE. Page 6 YOU CHOSE TO LEAVE. You swim away as fast as you can. As you leave, you here the eel shouting, "Wait!" in a raspy voice. You ignore him. "The vultures are under the cragulous crags!" You stop and turn around. Now you see that the eel is actually tied to a rock. No wonder the eel hadn't already eaten you. Wait... but the eel does know that you are looking for the vultures. How does that eel know that? "Come closer and I will tell you more, much more!" the eel shouts, seeing your hesitation. TO CONTINUE AWAY, click here. TO GO BACK TO THE EEL, click here. Page 7 YOU CHOSE TO LEAVE. The cragulous crags... you think curiously. You wonder if the eel was telling the truth. You continue swimming. Not a lot happens. You get to a huge cave. You go in. After swimming through a tunnel, you come out in a cavern. There are three tunnels leading out of the room (not including the one you came in). A sign is attached to the wall. This is what it says: Left: Cragulous Crags Straight Ahead: Certain Death (wink wink!) Right: I can't remember Which way will you go? TO GO LEFT, click here. TO GO STRAIGHT, click here. TO GO RIGHT, click here. Page 8 YOU CHOSE TO GO LEFT, TO THE CRAGULOUS CRAGS. After swimming through the tunnel for what seems like hours, you come back to the main cavern. Wait... was that all a loop? You go through the tunnel again, looking for any turnoffs you might have missed. This time, you come out into a strange world filled with rainbows and singing camels. You back track a little ways. You go forward one more time. THE CRAGULOUS CRAGS!!! reads a large sign. Uhh... whatever. you think. There are huge cliffs on all sides of you. That doesn't make a lot of sense, since you just came out of a tunnel, but right now, you don't really care a lot about whether it makes sense. You just want to find the Ice Vultures. You are near the surface of the ocean now. Since you are surrounded by cliffs on all sides, you really only have two options - you could go down, or you could go up. TO GO UP, click here. TO GO DOWN, click here. Page 9 YOU CHOSE TO GO UP. You swim upwards. As you reach the surface of the ocean, you unfurl your wings and begin to fly. Up, up, up. The crags just seem to go forever. You're getting tired. Suddenly you realize that they aren't crags at all, they're marshmallows. And you don't have to fly... so much hard work... How convenient! A marshmallow ground just stretched out underneath you! Ahh! You can just sit back and relax! Why continue, when you have a lifetime's supply of marshmallow right here? TO PRESS ONWARDS, click here. TO JUST RELAX IN THE MARSHMALLOW, click here. Page 10 YOU CHOSE TO JUST RELAX IN THE MARSHMALLOW. Good choice! Who needs life when you have marshmallow? YOU WIN! kind of... Page 11 YOU CHOSE TO PRESS ONWARDS You fly, upwards, upwards, upwards... until... wait... what? You're back in the water! You don't recognize anything around you, but all you can see is water in every direction. A small rock transforms into a wizard, who cackles madly and, with a flick of his wand, encases you in a glass ball! YOU LOSE! Page 12 YOU CHOSE TO GO DOWN You swim down, down, down. The crags seem to stretch onwards forever. So cragulous! you think. Then you see something a little ways down. In the side of the rock, a small discolored patch. As you grow nearer, you can make it out more clearly. It's your cousin! "Hey! How's it going, cuz?" you ask. "Oh, just fine. I suppose you came here on instructions from the eel?" "Uhh... well.. yeah? How did you know that?" "What are you talking about? How would I not know that?" your cousin asks indignantly. "Well..." you start. "Now, I have to tell you, that eel is a liar. I've been looking around here for years, and I've never found those Ice Vultures. You know, after all this time, I've been getting mighty hungry. Hey, you look pretty good to eat!" Your cousin swallows you. YOU LOSE! Page 13 YOU CHOSE TO GO STRAIGHT, TO CERTAIN DEATH You follow the tunnel. You reach a huge monster. The monster says to you, "There is no possible way you can survive this. Do you have any last words?" "Oh, but you don't understand. I am already dead!" you reply. The monster screams in agony, "THWARTED YET AGAIN!" You pass by unharmed. Beyond the monster, you reach a huge cave. The cave is filled with worms, all crawling around. You reach over to grab one, and it yells angrily, "Hey! Cut that out!" and spits boiling water at you, leaving a large gash in your side. Should you attempt to have a conversation with the worms? Should you just try to plow right through them? Should you turn around and go a different way? TO CONVERSE, click here. TO PLOW, click here. TO TURN, click here. Page 14 YOU CHOSE TO CONVERSE. You step cautiously towards the worms. "Please - might you tell me what is inside this cavern? Besides worms?" you inquire. "Oh yes, we might indeed." a worm replies. "...Will you tell me what is inside this cavern besides worms?" you query hopefully. "If you ask us." comes the answer. "What is inside this cavern besides worms?" you enquire, getting frustrated. "THE ICE VULTURES!" comes a booming reply, from an entirely new voice. All of the worms scurry away into little holes in the walls, to reveal, in the middle of a huge cave, twelve enormous vultures made entirely of ice. You gasp in wonder. You wonder how to address them. "Um... Your magesties, could you please tell me how I could become alive?" One vulture steps forward. "How do you expect us to know?" "Well... umm... you are supposed to have magical powers..." you say, losing confidence. "We do! Watch this!" The vulture lifts its head to the sky and screams, so loudly the walls begin to crack. It screams and screams. It will not stop. After three whole minutes of screaming - yes, three minutes - the vulture stops, and a lemon appears out of nowhere in front of the vulure. "I can make lemons!" After you've recovered from the horrible screaming, you say, "What!? What is this!? Magical powers!? All you can do is make lemons! You stupid vultures! I want to come to life!" All twelve vultures become quite angry at this, and they begin to scream. You wonder what they could be doing now. You aren't sure if you want to see. TO SWIM AWAY, click here. TO STAY AND WATCH, click here. Page 15 YOU CHOSE TO STAY AND WATCH. After the three minutes of screaming, you turn into a lemon. YOU LOSE. Page 16 YOU CHOSE TO PLOW. You swim towards the worms, shouting wildly. As soon as you touch one, you are transformed into a worm. YOU LOSE! Page 17 YOU CHOSE TO GO RIGHT. As you swim, you reflect on your journey. You're far from home, for what? You're trying to find something... but what? You can't even remember. Where do you live, anyway? Who are you? How does the English language work, anyways? Ddkslajskdkfffffsaaksldiqijirjjoejr Page 18 YOU CHOSE TO GO EAST, TO THE BOILING ROCKS You swim to the east. After about five minutes, all the rocks near you are boiling. That was fast, you think. It must be because the author is getting bored of writing this story. You wonder why you would ever go to the boiling rocks. There's nothing here but a bunch of boiling rocks, and this bottle of "Essence of Life". Might as well just turn around. TO TURN AROUND, click here. Page 19 YOU CHOSE TO GO SOUTH, TO THE INVISIBLE OCEAN. You swim south. It is said that in the invisible ocean, there are many magical wonders, but few get to appreciate them because everything is invisible, so it's kinda hard to find anything. You want to go there. It is a long and arduous journey, but not much of note happens on it. In short, you make it. It's pretty cool. You can see nothing for miles and miles and miles, and then after that you can see the ocean on the other side of the vast invisibile ocean. You venture in. You can see nothing. Not even yourself. You realize you are going to have to highten your other senses. You listen carefully for any noises, and you realize there are actually quite a lot of them. A tinkling, like glass breaking. The steady beat of a drum. A strange whistling. A soft purr. Which should you go towards? TO GO TOWARDS THE TINKLE, click here. TO GO TOWARDS THE DRUM, click here. TO GO TOWARDS THE WHISTLE, click here. TO GO TOWARDS THE PURR, click here. Page 20 YOU CHOSE TO GO TOWARDS THE TINKLE. You swim towards the sound. You run into a fish. "Oh! Sorry!" you say. "Would you like to buy some confidence? It's cheap!" says a high pitched squeal. You are confused and at a loss for words. "Wouldn't you like some extra confidence?" You have a good deal of money on you, and the fish said it's cheap. TO BUY CONFIDENCE, click here. TO DECLINE, click here. Page 21 YOU CHOSE TO BUY CONFIDENCE. "Alright, here's some money." you say. "Oh I don't accept money. You must pay in brains. Confidence is only one brain, it's a discount price. Plus, there's a special rebate of one hippocampus if you call within 24 hours!" "Uhh, I changed my mind. I don't want any confidence." you say, thoroughly spooked. "IT'S TOO LATE! YOU CAN'T BACK OUT NOW!" the voice screams. You swim away as fast as you can, but you can feel your brain being steadily converted into pure confidence. YOU LOSE! Page 22 YOU CHOSE TO DECLINE. "No thanks," you say, "I'd rather build up confidence on my own." "A wise choice," the voice replies. "As a reward, I will grant you LIFE." There is a large explosion, and when the dust settles, you're alive! YOU WIN! Page 23 YOU CHOSE TO GO WEST, TO THE LAND OF SIDEWAYS. You start to go west, but a wizard turns you around and now you're going north. Click here to continue going north. Page 24 YOU CHOSE TO GO TOWARDS THE DRUM. You swim towards the sound of a drum. When you get close, a poison dart shoots you in the neck. Your last thought before passing out is, those must be war drums! ... You wake up. You are tied up. You are being force-fed purple jelly beans, one at a time. There is no way to escape. You are doomed to a lifetime of eating purple jelly beans ALL DAY LONG, and the worst part is, you'll be DEAD. YOU LOSE! Page 25 YOU CHOSE TO GO TOWARDS THE WHISTLE. You go towards the whistle. Fish can't whistle. That's weird. Suddenly, you realize that the whistle is a sentient being! It consumes you in a flurry of whistling, and you are slowly digested. YOU LOSE. Page 26 YOU CHOSE TO GO TOWARDS THE PURR. You swim towards the purr. It's a cat. Cats eat fish. You get eaten. Dummy. YOU LOSE!

Comments
Page: 1
justdebb
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Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/dudesi2/public_html/craterfish/handy.php on line 715

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/dudesi2/public_html/craterfish/handy.php on line 715

Warning: date(): It is not safe to rely on the system's timezone settings. You are *required* to use the date.timezone setting or the date_default_timezone_set() function. In case you used any of those methods and you are still getting this warning, you most likely misspelled the timezone identifier. We selected the timezone 'UTC' for now, but please set date.timezone to select your timezone. in /home/dudesi2/public_html/craterfish/handy.php on line 727
Thu Dec 30th, 2010 11:11 AM
That was a cute and charming story, and one that I felt was creatively done.